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Answering machine message 02
Ratings: 0.33 |
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How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW! |
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Answering machine message 03
Ratings: 1.50 |
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You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me... |
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Answering machine message 05
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot. |
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Answering machine message 07
Ratings: 2.00 |
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Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... |
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Answering machine message 08
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 08
C'mon... you can do it... just a little one. That's the way... just a little beep, just a little one. C'mon... good boy... here we go... like this -- beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon... There you go! |
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Answering machine message 10
Ratings: 0.00 |
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No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! |
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Answering machine message 102
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 102
With apologies to Robert Burns:
O ma phone is but an ebon box,
Wha' rings when I'm awa'.
And my tape machine waits,
For your call,
This message for ta play.
So leave ye message at the beep,
Then bide ye well a while,
For I will hear your voice,
ONE DAY,
and call ye wi' a smile. |
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Answering machine message 103
Ratings: 1.00 |
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Answering machine message 103
"Under the Boardwalk":
Oh, when you call our room,
and all you get is a machine,
and then you get so upset,
you feel as if you want to scream.
Please leave a message
after the be-ep.
And John or Tom will get back you,
as soon as they can. |
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Answering machine message 105
Ratings: 0.00 |
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"Raiders of the Lost Ark" in background: You've reached the residence of John and Tom. We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you. |
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Answering machine message 106
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 106
Hitchhikers Guide theme: The Cerius Cybernetic Corporation was happy to correct the problem of all that icky person-to-person conversation that happens when people actually pick up the phone and talk to each other. So they added the "answering machine," which will cleverly record your message and play it back at the wrong speed, to make everyone who calls you sound like they have partaken a large supply of helium. Unless your message is REALLY important, in which case, the machine simply breaks its own tape, to insure that you never get the message at all. It would be a shame to waste all this brilliant technology, so please attempt to leave a message. |
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Answering machine message 109
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back. |
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Answering machine message 114
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it. |
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Answering machine message 115
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 115
(Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins. |
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Answering machine message 117
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 117
John: Brad, will you get the phone?
Brad: (Sound of frantically clattering keyboard.) I can't! I'm playing Omega!
John: Ambar, will you get the phone?
Ambar: I can't! I'm late for work! (Sound of slamming door.)
John: Aimee, will you get the phone?
Aimee: (Sound of running water.) I can't! I'm in the shower!
John: Glenn, will you get the -- (disgusted) Ah, Glenn's in Denver. Please leave a message. |
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Answering machine message 12
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 12
Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you? |
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Answering machine message 120
Ratings: 0.00 |
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I'm pretending that I'm marooned on a desert island with Dana Delany, Linda Carter, and Sharon Lawrence. Since I don't have a telephone there, you could leave a message in a bottle at the sound of the beep, and maybe it'll wash up on my beach in a few days. Then if the professor gets stranded here, we'll create a satellite uplink from a few coconuts and a palm leaf and I'll get right back to you. |
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Answering machine message 121
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Sam can't come to the phone right now because he's spending the week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera. |
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Answering machine message 122
Ratings: 0.00 |
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(Slight echo as if spoken in a large underground cave:) Help me, please help me. I'm down here in the thing you're holding in your hand. I can't get out because my leg is broken and my hand is stuck between two wires. Wait, what's that in the dark? OH NO, not a... a... a... Oh no, it IS! (Crunching noise.) |
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Answering machine message 123
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 123
(Sound of scrap metal falling down a staircase continues through message.) Hello, we are having some technical problems right now, so we can't take your call. Please leave us a message. |
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Answering machine message 124
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 124
(Automatic gunfire, explosions, rockets, jets; agitated voice:) I'm pinned down and can't come to the phone right now, and Bob's handling supporting fire! Leave your name and number, and a message! We'll get back to you as soon... FIRE IN THE HOLE! (BOOM!) We'll get back to you as soon as the air cover napalms the place! |
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Answering machine message 125
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Sorry... I'm far too depressed to come to the phone. If you can be bothered, leave a message after the sound of the gunshot, and maybe somebody will call you I guess... (BANG!) |
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Answering machine message 126
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Hi, I'm not sane right now, but if you leave your name, number and shoe size at the sound of the tone, I'll get back to you when and if I return to my senses. |
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Answering machine message 127
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 127
(Frantic violin music:) Hello. You have reached 435-3949. We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. Please leave a message. |
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Answering machine message 131
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 131
I can't answer the phone now because I'm over at Slobinskis's house. Me and five other guys are helping him replace a lightbulb. |
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Answering machine message 132
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 132
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks. |
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Answering machine message 134
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 134
I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you. |
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Answering machine message 139
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 139
If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your name and number... |
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Answering machine message 141
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 141
Hello, I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner. |
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Answering machine message 143
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 143
Hi, this is the answering machine. I am on strike. Any messages you leave will be deleted. |
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Answering machine message 147
Ratings: 0.00 |
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We can't get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. Tragic, isn't it? But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually. |
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Answering machine message 148
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 148
Hi. This is David. I've shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I'm going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up, I'll play my messages. Please leave one. |
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Answering machine message 149
Ratings: 0.00 |
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We're not in cause we're out LOOTING! Leave a message and we'll call you back and tell you what we got. |
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Answering machine message 15
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. |
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Answering machine message 150
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 150
(Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up. (Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag.) I should know. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he manages to get free. And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor... |
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Answering machine message 153
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 153
Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it... |
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Answering machine message 153
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 153
Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it... |
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Answering machine message 154
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 154
Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say? |
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Answering machine message 155
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 155
Hello! I'm on a four state killing spree! WATTA YA WANT? |
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Answering machine message 157
Ratings: 0.00 |
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(Italian Mafia-style voice:) I can't come to the phone right now. Me and Guido are trying to stuff a body in the trunk. I think we're going to have to size it a little... (Aside:) HEY GUIDO! GET THE CHAINSAW! Anyways, leave your name and a message. If I like it, you'll hear from me. If not, you'll hear from Guido! (Laughter.) |
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Answering machine message 158
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that. |
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Answering machine message 160
Ratings: 2.50 |
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Answering machine message 160
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you. |
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Answering machine message 163
Ratings: 2.00 |
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Answering machine message 163
After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding. |
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Answering machine message 164
Ratings: 0.00 |
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My time is billed at $125 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration. I'll get back to you pending credit approval. |
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Answering machine message 168
Ratings: 0.00 |
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The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new number is 226-0477. (Yes, same number.) Please make a note of it. |
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Answering machine message 169
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Thank you for calling the Peoria Weather Line. (Insert appropriate weather report for the season here.) |
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Answering machine message 170
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Please leave a tone after the message. |
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Answering machine message 171
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Please hang up now if you would want to speak to Johan. Otherwise, please stay on the line to leave him a message. |
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Answering machine message 173
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Answering machine message 173
(Fairly boring message:) This is John. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message at the tone, I'll return your call. (Now, re-record the message every morning. Frequent callers will notice that something sounds different, but will be confused since the words are exactly the same.)
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Answering machine message 174
Ratings: 1.50 |
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Answering machine message 174
(To annoy a friend record this as his message, and he will have keypad music as messages:) Hello, you have reached Dave. Please enter your four digit PIN at the tone. |
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Answering machine message 175
Ratings: 0.00 |
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Hello, you have reached 555-1234. Our voice mail system is currently experiencing difficulties, so at the tone, please type your message on the keypad using the appropriate letters, and press the pound sign when finished. |
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